It's too bad the Seinfeld series is over because I have a doozy of an episode they could have used. My husband, Doug, and I went to the movies last Friday night. Afterwards, we stopped at Lenny's Sub Shop.
Guy at counter: "Hi, welcome to Lenny's. Sorry but we don't have any cold subs right now. Unless you wanted a tuna sub because the guy that runs our slicer cut his finger and the Health Department said he can't slice anything for 10 minutes until it's sterilized. We do have hot subs, though."
Me: "Do they have fingers in them?"
Guy: "Of course not, this isn't Wendy's."
Doug: "How about a Philly. What's on it?"
Guy: "Roast beef, cheese, onions - you can also get lettuce and tomatoes on it.
Doug: "Any mushrooms?
Guy: "Sorry, no mushrooms. A lot of people ask for mushrooms, but for some reason we don't have them."
Doug: "Okay, give me the Philly with the works."
Guy: "Sorry about the slicer. I'll give you the sandwich 1/2 off."
Doug: "Are the cookies any good?"
Guy: "Yea, I eat them all day long. Pick one out and I'll throw that in for free."
We wait and wait and wait. Another customer walks into the store. A big gal with a big appetite.
Guy: "Hi, welcome to Lenny's. Sorry, but we don't have cold subs available tonight. The slicer is, uh, temporarily out of service."
Gal: "No problem - it's freezing outside and I want something hot. How about a Philly? What's on it?"
Guy: "Roast beef, cheese, onions and you can get lettuce and tomato if you want."
Gal: "Do you have any mushrooms?"
[I swear I am not making this up.]
Guy: Sorry, no mushrooms."
Gal: "Okay, I'll take the Philly with everything. It had better be big because I'm a big gal and I'm hungry. I'll take a large Coke too."
We're still waiting and waiting for Doug's sandwich. Then it dawns on us that it might take a while for a one-handed sandwich maker... Meanwhile, the gal takes her cup to the Coke machine and presses the metal bar for ice. Nothing. She moves it to the soda dispenser. Nothing again.
Gal: "Hey, excuse me, but your Coke machine isn't working."
We just burst out laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation.
Guy: "Sorry, this happens all the time." He flips a switch and the machine starts humming.
Gal: "It's okay, but please stop saying you're sorry."
Guy: "I'm sorry."
We strike up a conversation with the gal while we're waiting because we are now bonded in this bizarre sub shop Seinfeld episode and we all know it. Turns out that she sat behind us at the movies. She didn't like Ironman 2 whereas I loved it. In walks another customer, a college student all decked out in black motorcycle garb.
Guy: "Hi, welcome to Lenny's. Sorry, but we don't have any cold subs right now. The slicer isn't working."
Motorcycle guy: "Is Ben working?"
Guy: "No, he left earlier tonight because it was so slow. He'll be back tomorrow, though."
Motorcycle guy: "I'll just come back tomorrow." (He probably gets free subs from Ben.)
If Lenny only knew that they were literally working short-handed and giving away the store that night! But I must say that my Seinfeld episode was every bit as entertaining as the movie and a whole lot cheaper!
Phrase of the day: Deberíamos triturar eso. We'd better shred that.